Confinement Insanity
by hotaru-darkness01
Summary: What happens when Deidara gets stuck in an elevator with Tobi? Will they ever get out or will Deidara lose his mind? Rated T for profanity , violence, light lime references, and a hint of Pein X Konan. Crackfic.Oneshot


**A/N: Hey, here is my second story in which will be very light-hearted in comparison to my dark fic **_**Blood Drenched Soul.**_** If you haven't already, I suggest you go and read it AND REVIEW IT! I mean really. Give a newbie a chance!**

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><p><strong>Confinement Insanity<strong>

It was very relaxed and typical day in the Akatsuki lair. The temperature inside was at an astonishing fifty-two degrees, which can mean only one thing; it was raining outside. The rain could be heard lightly rapping against the granite in which the base was made from, creating a very tranquil scene throughout the area.

Everyone was sound asleep, except Pein, who sat at his desk sorting through files and whatnot. This work always tended to stress him out, even when Konan helped him several times. _**I need a vacation**_, he thought to himself. He lifted the papers up to his face when a knock was made on his office door. He slammed the papers down, almost in a fit of rage, and yelled "What ?" The door slightly opened and a blue-haired woman poked her head in through the door. "Are you alright in here?" she asked. Pein sighed and put his index finger and his thumb up to his temples and massaged them. "Yeah, I'm fine Konan" he stated. She then opened the door and allowed herself in. She knew Pein didn't mind and hated to see him so stressed out on a day like this. Konan took a seat in the chair that was placed in front of his desk. "Pein, what's the matter? Why are you stressing yourself out?"she worriedly asked, her expression showing a great deal of concern for her comrade, or best friend. "It's these papers. I have to get them filed and sorted. It won't get done if I'm not in here." He then placed his forehead on his desk. Konan lightly stroked his hair and told him, "I'll sort them out, you go rest for a while." "Are you sure, Konan?"he asked. Konan nodded and Pein left the room and she took his spot in the chair. _**He needs some great sex, then he won't be so stressed out. **_She thought to herself as she began sorting through the papers.

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><p><strong>Meanwhile<strong>

Pein eventually made his way to the commons area of the base to see that everyone was awake and bustling. Sometimes he wondered how S-ranked criminals could act so normal on days like this. It made him feel…awkward. Zetsu was tending to his beloved baby Venus flytrap in a pot, while Hidan and Kakuzu were arguing over nothing **again**. _**I swear those two act like a married couple.**_ Pein thought to himself. Itachi and Sasori sat on the couch quietly, with a hint of irritation as Hidan and Kakuzu argued. Kisame was in the kitchen with Tobi and Deidara, all of whom were cooking breakfast. Pein's stomach growled in anticipation for the aroma of the food was spellbinding, and eagerly made his way into the kitchen. There was Miso soup, rice with Nori, and grilled fish. He could feel his mouth water at the site. "Hey leader, umm, were you hungry h'm?" Deidara asked as he held a plate of the delicious food in his in hand. "I guess" Pein stated in his usual monotone voice. "Well, uh, here, you can have mine…if you want h'm." Deidara handed him the plate and told him to hurry out before he calls breakfast time. Pein walked out of the kitchen and sat at the table when he heard Tobi yell "BREAKFAST TIME!" A loud thump could be heard shortly after, followed by Deidara yelling back "I told you not yet you dumbass h'm!" all except Pein, -who already has his plate- rushed into the kitchen causing a large amount of confusion. Pein would usually calm his men down, but today, he was just too tired to do anything. So, he let them handle it this time. The chaos eventually died down, and everyone had a plate and was eating quietly when the silence was broken by Kisame. "Where is Konan?" he asked. _**Crap! She's upstairs!**_ Pein thought. He cleared his throat and replied, "She's upstairs, on the eighth floor. Buzz her, so she can come down." "Or how about we take her a plate?" Deidara suggested. Everyone mumbled in agreement when it was interrupted by Pein's voice, "NO! THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY YOU'RE GETTING FOOD ON MY PAPERWORK DAMMIT!" his hands slammed down on the table and he stood up. "Damn, what the fuck is your problem? You act like you have fucking PMS or some shit." Hidan rudely stated. But it was true, he **was** stressed to no end, and he really needed to relax. "Geez, calm down h'm. How about we take the food to her, but not in your office h'm?" Deidara suggested once more. "Yay! Tobi thinks we should." Tobi bounced around in his seat. "No! You can't come!" Deidara yelled at him. Tobi held his head down in sadness and whined, "But, Sempai-" "But nothing, Tobi ! h'm. "How about both of you go? No, I change my mind. You two go take her a plate." Pein commanded. Deidara looked pissed while Tobi shouted in delight. They went in the kitchen and prepared a plate for Konan and headed towards the elevator.

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><p><em><strong>Grrrmmmmbbb<strong>_ Konan's stomach began to growl while sorting through the papers. _**I should really get something to eat.**_ Konan thought. Since she was over halfway finished, she decided it would be nice to treat herself to some breakfast. Konan put the papers in two neat stacks and left the room taking the stairs-which was the quickest way for her- because they still needed to get that darn elevator fixed.

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><p>Tobi and Deidara walked into the elevator and pressed the button to go up to the eighth floor. As it went up, they waited quietly listening to the terrible elevator music that echoed throughout the tiny space. By the time they reached the fifth floor, a loud bang was heard and they felt the elevator had stopped. "Sempai, what just happened?" Tobi asked. "I think the elevator just shut down on us." Deidara stated. He began to worry. There was no way in hell that this could be happening. Deidara knew that Tobi worked his nerve and now he was stuck in a damn elevator with him! "So are we stuck Sempai?" Tobi stupidly asked. Deidara snapped his head to the side and yelled, "Yes we're stuck you idiot h'm!" Deidara banged on the elevator doors screaming for help. But he didn't hear an answer. "Sempai, nobody hears us cause we're stuck" Tobi once again stupidly stated. He sat over in the corner with his legs crossed. Deidara gave Tobi a death glare that communicated one thing: <em><strong>Don't you think I know that?<strong>_ Deidara then sat over in the opposite corner of the elevator and just looked up at the ceiling. _**Why me?**_ He thought. Just then, Tobi broke the silence by singing, "It's alright! Because I have you and you have me-" "Damn it Tobi! Shut up!" Deidara yelled at the orange nuisance. "Why?" Tobi asked. "Because I said so!" was Deidara's response. "Why?" "Don't ask why, just do it!" "Why?" "Grr…BE QUIET TOBI!" there was a brief silence when Tobi spoke up again, "Why?" "GAH! I can't take much more of this!" Deidara yelled. "Why are you being so loud Sempai?" Tobi asked once more. "What?" Deidara looked at him with a very evil expression. Almost like he wanted to blow him up. Oh, but he did. He really wanted to blow him up. "You're being loud, it's hurting my ears." Tobi put his hands up to his ears. Deidara made his way over to Tobi and moved his hands away from his ears. He bent over to where his face was in front of Tobi's. "I'm being loud? Well let me tell you something h'm. You are the most ANNOYING THING ON THE PLANET! I MEAN REALLY! YOU GO AROUND BOUNCING UP AND DOWN ALL OVER THE PLACE NOT HAVING THE SLIGHTEST REGARD FOR WHO YOU OFFEND! YOU'RE ALMOST TWICE AS BAD AS HIDAN! BESIDES, HOW IN ALL BURNING HELL DID YOU GET ACCEPTED INTO THE AKATSUKI? YOU SUCK TOBI! S-U-C-K SUCK! YOU ARE THE WORST PARTNER EVER AND I HATE YOU!" Deidara boomed with anger, his face turning red from frustration. Tobi stopped talking. Well actually, he was at a loss for words. Did his Sempai really hate him? Did he really mean those things? Deep inside, it really hurt Tobi's feelings. Deidara noticed Tobi's quiet behavior and went to go sit back in his corner. Tobi spoke up after a minute or two and asked in a whiny tone, "Did you really mean that Sempai?" "With every ounce of my being, yes." Deidara then lied on the cold hardwood floor, when he heard sniffling. It was then followed by crying. _**Is Tobi really crying? **_He thought. Now the terrorist bomber felt like a complete jackass. He didn't mean to hurt the kid's feelings like he did. He felt awkward in a sense. His gut told him that what he did was wrong, and he felt a bit of sympathy for the brat. Was he going soft or something? He decided to go over to the orange guy and apologize, even though he knew he was going to regret it later.

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><p>Everyone in the dining area were still enjoying their meal, when they were accompanied by Konan who walked through the door. All eyes at the table were plastered on her and she wondered why. "Why is everyone looking at me like that?" she asked dumbfoundely. "Um, did you get your breakfast Konan?" Pein asked. She shook her head and he told her that he sent Deidara and Tobi to bring her a plate. "Oh, well I haven't seen them at all." She simply stated and went to go make herself a plate. "If Konan is down here, and Deidara and Tobi went-" Kisame stopped mid-sentence. "What is it Kisame-san? Zetsu's white half asked. " Did they go to the elevator?" Kisame asked. "Yeah they did actually. Why?" Sasori quietly asked, but the statement was loud enough to be heard. "Because the elevator is broken." Konan came in with her plate, adding her two cents. "What?" just about everyone at the table spit out their food. "You mean to tell me that the elevator is broke? And you didn't tell anybody?" Pein asked with no expression on his face, but Konan knew that he was worried. "Yes I did tell you. I mentioned yesterday. It tends to get stuck on the fifth floor." Konan said as she took a bite of her fish. "Well, they will figure it out." Itachi somberly stated.<p>

After everyone finished, they cleaned the kitchen which took about three hours, thanks to that neat freak Konan and went about their day. _**I wonder how those two are faring up there. **_Konan thought as she headed back upstairs to finish the paperwork.

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><p><strong> Back in the elevator<strong>

Deidara had apologized to Tobi and cheered him up. They began to talk about a number of things from missions, to jincchuriki, to art. Secretly, Deidara was awfully annoyed with Tobi's random rants and stupidity, but at the end of the day you couldn't help but to love the little fucker. They then went silent after a while when Tobi perked up and said, "Hey Sempai!" "What do you want Tobi?" Deidara groaned. "Guess what?" "What?" "I slept with your mother." Deidara rose up quickly and turned around to face the masked nin next to him. "What h'm ?" "Yep I said it, AND your art sucks…it's a rip off you know." Tobi was now pushing the limits with Deidara when he was soon face to face with Deidara's foot following being strangled by the bomber nin. "This will teach you to criticize my fucking artwork. I ought to blast you to hell!" "Sempai I'm sorry, but I have to pee!" Tobi choked out. Deidara dropped Tobi to the floor and he began to whine. "Oh tobi, stop your whining h'm. It's not going to get us out of here any faster." "Sempai we are going to die if we don't though! And I really have to tinkle!" Tobi danced around like a five year old child while holding his crotch. Honestly, Deidara wondered how he would survive with this idiot. He couldn't concentrate and was prone to losing it if someone didn't come rescue him from this hell. If this is what hell was like, then he would be willing to turn over a new leaf, just so he wouldn't spend his afterlife with Tobi.

It had been another hour or so and Deidara officially lost it. Tobi pissed on himself and was wailing incessantly for no reason, and the food was soiled thanks to him. "I feel so bad because I made a nasty on the food by accident! I'm so mean!" Tobi cried.

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><p><strong>Outside the Elevator on the fifth floor<strong>

"Okay everybody ready?" Kisame asked. "Yeah" everyone else agreed. (Well Sasori, Itachi, Kakuzu, and Hidan)They had gone up to the fifth floor to try and free Deidara and Tobi from their confinement. "1-2-3 Open!" they as they all put their force into opening the door and voila! It opened! They saw Tobi whining in the corner, soiled food, soiled hardwood floor, and soiled clothes. Deidara was on the opposite end lying in the corner in fetal position, sucking his thumb and mumbling things like " I have you and you have me la la la la la …" Hidan covered his nose and yelled "What the fuck is this shit? That 's just nasty dude, you know you two are going to clean this fucking shit up when you two dipwads get out of your pansy ass trances." And he walked away, mumbling profanities under his breath. Deidara snapped out of his stupor and ran to Sasori, Kisame, Itachi, and Kakuzu "You guys came to rescue me h'm" Deidara sounded a bit crazed. "Uh, yeah we did and you stink kid" Sasori slightly moved back from where Deidara was standing. "Oh sorry about Konan's food we-" Deidara was stopped short by Itachi "It's alright, she took the stairs, and she ate" Deidara has this inasne look on his face which was followed by a chuckle which turned into a maniacal laugh. He ran down the hall screaming "I'm free I'm free! Hahahaha!" As for Tobi, he was escorted out by Itachi so Tobi could get all cleaned up and that left Sasori and Kisame and Kakuzu. "well I'm going back to count the money." Kakuzu stated and he left. Kisame and Sasori went to tell Pein and Konan that they managed to free Tobi and Deidara.

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><p><strong>In Pein's Office<strong>

The work had finally been finished by Konan and Pein thanked her. He eased his way over to Konan, and out of a simple act of kindness, he kissed her on the lips. "Wow, this isn't like you Pein." Konan eagerly kissed him back. Sasori and Kisame were almost to the office door when they saw Deidara with a hammer, some nails, and chains with locks on them. He rushed to the office door, slammed it shut-not to mention he noticed the two distracted by each other-and began to seal it shut with his materials. "Mwahahaha, now take that! See how you like being stuck! The joke's on you now!" Deidara screamed and ran away. Kisame and Sasori changed direction and went back to the commons. Inside the room they could hear Deidara's maniacal laughter slowly fading away. "Well it looks like they freed him from the elevator." Konan stated. "Yes, but it's just us, and we need some alone time, **I'm **_**really**_ stressed." Pein simply stated. In a way, they were both glad that Deidara did lose it, because now, they were soon to be lost in a hot embrace, the stress reliever that **only** Konan could help him accomplish.

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><p><strong>The End<strong>

**AN: Well that was it for this story. In case you haven't seen my profile, Pein X Konan is one of my favorite pairings. Yes, I said it, don't like it? Well too bad. I probably will soon have a lemon with these two. If you did like it, I ask that you please leave a review. Please let me know something, or help me critique my work. I would appreciate the constructive criticism. I'm here for a fucking reason you know and that is to NOT be ignored by those who read my story. If you read it and don't have an account, I'm pretty sure there is some way for you to leave a review! Oh and Naruto characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. Not me! I only own the creativity of this story**

***Let me reiterate, leave a fucking review please!***

**Bye!**

**- 3 Hotaru-Darkness01**


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